Nicole’s e-Pistle “What do you wish church was like?”

March 25, 2026

Greetings, Friends!

I have had at least half a dozen of you or more ask me a very concerned question lately. Each person came to the root of the question from different places, but all have a common purpose which stems from a deep love of being part of this congregation. How can we grow our church? How can we draw in more “young” people? How can we be a more engaging space for the working-aged members and parents of youth and children?… or for that matter the youth and children?

When I was interviewing with churches, wondering whether I would be called to Dalton (my first choice) or some other congregation in the Southeastern United States, one of the most consistent qualities that nominating committees saw in me was that I was the mother of young children. Several of the churches were much smaller than ours and had no families with children at all. I had already been warned that there is a misnomer that a pastor with kids will draw other families to join a congregation. In fact, several professors and mentors of mine knew of people who literally were encouraged to leave their calls by congregations who were let down by the reality that having children in church is not contagious.

I continue to struggle with the idea of “bringing people in.” Don’t get me wrong, I love when we have new visitors, and even more when those visitors decide to become members. However, I’m reminded of my own youth group experience, when a very young, energetic, and entirely loveable new youth pastor (also a newly wed who ended up having children while serving our church) went into the sole high school in the county and recruited guys for our youth group. They all happened to be “skaters” or “grunge” kids (late 90s-era) who were completely unchurched. It was an amazing five or six years when our youth program tripled in numbers and engagement. We went to Montreat Youth Conference every year, a life-changing experience to be sure. We had youth group every Sunday evening, complete with pizza, games, and devotional time. It was a blast, and I think back to those years with nostalgia.

And yet… It was a rare occasion to see the youth in Sunday morning worship, other than those of us who grew up in the church and were not given a choice (honestly, most of us wanted to be there). Then, the worst happened. The youth pastor was called to serve his own congregation in a different state. He and his family moved, and a church member took over as youth director. Several of the guys felt betrayed by the pastor, not realizing that this was common for associate ministers to stay in a call less than 10 years (sometimes only a few). Eventually, I lost touch with most of the guys from the group aside from my brother and a guy that grew up in the same congregation with me, but from what I have heard, hardly any of them are connected to a church family. They disappeared as quickly and easily as they appeared.

I do not mean for this to sound discouraging, although it is. What I hope to show is that bodies in seats is not the sign of a thriving… well, anything really. Students sitting at their desks doesn’t mean learning is happening. Customers in a store doesn’t mean purchases are being made. Clicks on a website doesn’t mean interest will last. People in the pews doesn’t mean a church is thriving. Granted, having people show up is the first step. Getting people in the door can be a great start, but that should never be the end goal of growing a church.

I want to challenge you to think of a question – What do you wish church was like? I don’t mean the style of worship, necessarily. (This is by no means a suggestion of switching to a contemporary style, something I am not a huge fan of personally.) Rather, it is a question of what you want church to be – to mean – at its core level. I won’t give you my answer to that question, but after getting to know you all over the last 20 months, I truly believe that this congregation has what is most valuable in a congregation. The question is not how to change who we are and what we stand for, but how do we continue to grow as a community in ways that will provide a safe space for those who desperately need a faith community? How do we connect with people we do not know and invite them to try us out? How do we make space for people of all ages and stages of life to grow and thrive in their faith – even in the midst of work schedules and after-school activities?

I have some ideas that I will be sharing with our leadership teams, but I want to hear from you. What do you wish church was like? Is there something missing for you? Do you know of others in the community that could benefit from what God is doing here? Do you have ideas of how to reach them?

Let’s start the conversation. There is no end to what the Holy Spirit can do, but God calls us to be his hands and feet in the world… so let’s reach out.

Blessings and peace,